It Hurts
by WarriorInMyself
Summary: Kagome, a girl numb to pain. Inuyasha, the boy that makes her feel it. Love is pain and it hurts so much.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters. All belong to Rumiko Takahashi. **

**Author's Note: Yes, I have a life and I have to live it. Sorry, it took me so long but I am on my Christmas Break, so this gives me a chance to write down at least a story or two. Hope you enjoy!**

…..

"_Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."__  
__―__J.K. Rowling__,__Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_

...

_**It Hurts…**_

…

I have never felt pain.

I do know what it is. I just never experienced it. Never cried or mourned over a dead family member. I did not scream when I fell off my tree, the Goshinboku, and broke my leg. I am ignorant to pain.

I know when someone is hurting or in pain. I have learned the proper responses to…distribute in sympathetic times: cringing, wincing. But what does that emotion feel like?

Am I human? I have never been part of that one thing that truly condemns man. That can break them or make them stronger.

What is someone that feels no pain? Emotionless, dull… evil?

On the other hand, I could be someone who is forever numb.

…..….…..

_Begin Here:_

_Now you can truly say you do not know what you are._

…_.….._

"Kagome, I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what?"

Hojo stared at me with guilt layered in his eyes. His chocolate orbs looked for a sign of emotion in mine. Looked for solace that would say, '_No, it's okay…you tried. I understand.'_

Unfortunately, I am not empathetic and he is done. For that matter, so am I.

"Kagome, you don't… feel. I have never seen you cry. We have dated for 2 years and within every argument, there were no tears. You are emotionless, and I am sorry, but I love som-"

"I know."

"Excuse me," Hojo stares at me with panic and relief in his eyes.

"I know. You love Eri, right? I am not as stupid as to not seeing that. You have loved each other from the beginning. Since the end of high school, you stayed with me to try to make this work, but you do not have to. Go, thank you for trying but go."

Hojo hesitates in front of me as if he wants to say more. I shake my head, point to the door, and rise from my black leather couch to hug him. He squeezes me, places a kiss upon my cheek, and within less than a moment, he is gone.

…..…

_Next Step:_

_Act Normal…, which for you means be human?_

…

Break ups are supposed to be hard, right?

You would think that after Hojo walked out that door, I would have cried. You would think that after breaking up with someone who stuck with all your bull for 2 years, there would be a spark of something there.

Funny thing is, the first thing I do after he is gone is cut myself. Not deep enough to be serious, but this is an experiment. A process to see if anything will come about, after breaking up with someone I hoped would love me.

"Test Number: 2567." I record on my 'operation phone.' I have two separate phones one for everyday life and the other for experiments. "Subject has recently broken up with 2 year progression boyfriend. Results…"

I grab the knife and slowly slice it across my skin, where all the others were made. All 2567 of them stare at me mockingly.

"… test result: no response. Once again, there is no pain registered in the mind, only bleeding."

I sigh, and clean up the mess made. This is what everyone around me talks about. I feel no pain. Nothing. Not a grimace, not a whisper of tears, just nothing.

I sit down upon my leather couch and look around the apartment. Its white walls plastered with family photos and paintings I created. My guitar sits in the corner near, my television, a songbook lying atop the shelf above it. I have made it a home for me, I could never say it comforts me, but I am comfortable here.

I look around again and rise from my couch. Grabbing my keys and walking out the door, I head for the grocery store for some "comfort food."

After all, break ups are supposed to be hard.

…..

_Step 3:_

_Get what you came for and end up sidetracked along the way… everyone does. _

…

I walk into my local grocery store with one objective.

I must have cookies and cream flavored ice cream. If I am properly performing the broken, downhearted girl every woman must play when a relationship has ended then I am going to do it with style.

I reach the frozen condiments lane and search for the delicious frozen treat. Searching up and down the aisle, I come across something to be noted as peculiar. One, there is a man in the aisle with white hair standing a couple feet away with the last of my desired ice cream in his hand. Two, not only does the man have white hair, and is holding my ice cream, but there are dog-ears upon his head, and are they _twitching_?

He begins to walk away, and I must intercept him. Nevermind his strange appearance, I want that ice cream.

"You there, with the white hair!" I say. He turns around and looks at me with intrigued eyes.

"Me?" he asks, folding his arms as I approach him.

"Yes you. I must ask that you release that ice cream. I am in desperate need of it."

He checks me out and says, "Yeah, well so do I." He begins to walk away.

"Are you really so heartless as to not give a girl, who is in desperate need of that ice cream, what she wants?"

He stops and looks at me again. I notice that he has yellow-honey, gold eyes that are so deep you could get lost in them. He must be a half-demon. I have heard of them but this is the first I have ever seen of one. There is sadness to him, it seems. I am not quite sure, but he looks lonely, sad. He may even be frustrated, as he continues to stare at me as if measuring me.

"You do not look as if you need it. Besides, I need it more than you."

"Wrong," I state, "not that it is any of your business, but I need some comfort food. I have just broken up with my boyfriend."

"Keh." He says, what in the hell is that? "Well, I was just dumped by my girlfriend. So, you're a little short the guilt trip here. I ain't giving you this."

"Come on seriously, hell we can split it! I will pay half. What do you say?"

He pauses, and ponders for a moment.

"Fine, but for someone who has just broken up, you sure don't seem heartbroken." He notes frankly. I look at him and for some odd reason I want to spill everything I have been through. All the 'pain', or lack thereof, I have felt. There is some sort of pull I have towards him, as we walk to the cashier.

"Well," I say, "I can't feel pain. So, I wouldn't know how to act over something considered 'painful'."

He looks disbelieving. "Yeah right, you just had a crappy boyfriend and are happy you dumped his sorry ass. Am I right?"

I laugh. "Whatever you want to believe…"

"Oh, Inuyasha. My name is Inuyasha Takahashi." He extends his hand as we pay for the ice cream.

I shake it. His handshake is firm. "Kagome Higurashi."

The ice cream is bagged up and we head out of the store.

"Well Kagome," he says, "let's enjoy the ice cream before it melts in my goddamn hand, shall we?"

I look at him again. I shouldn't be doing this. Talking to some random stranger and paying for ice cream with him. Let alone go eat it with him. I just broke up with Hojo. Shouldn't I practice having a grace period? I could always go to the ice cream parlor, but I don't want to walk from Inuyasha, there is something about him.

"Sure, I don't want your hot hands ruining my half of the ice cream."

…..

_Step 4:_

_Help others realize, what they fail to see._

…_._

"Ok, I will see you in a couple minutes."

Inuyasha and I have been dating for a year. Ever since the ice cream incident, we kept in contact and from there we have been talking since.

Today, we are going to his prestigious home to do some spring-cleaning. He and I, along with his dog, Horatio, will be taking on the hardest mission ever. Foot mop racing. We are going to mop his house, top to bottom with foot mop shoes. This will be tiresome, considering how huge his home is.

There is a horn blaring outside my apartment and I grab my keys and go.

"Hey," I say as a jump into Inuyasha's Ferrari. It is a very nice car and a smooth ride as well.

"Hey, you ready to do this?" He sighs. Inuyasha hates cleaning. If I didn't try to convince him, then his house would be a mess.

"Yeah! Let's get this over with. Who knows we might even enjoy it."

"Keh. Who enjoys cleaning their house?"

"No one, but even still Inuyasha. You got to do, what you got to do."

"Oh shut up," he retorts rolling his eyes, and turning out of my complex.

The drive to his house isn't far, maybe fifteen minutes. We sit in a comfortable silence, but I am curious about something that has been on my mind for a while.

"Inuyahsa, what was your girlfiend before me like…just curious. You don't have to answer."

He glances at me from his peripheral, and sighs, "Well, where do I begin." He ponders for a moment, "She was my first girlfriend. We dated for seven long and hard years. She was sweet but she had a... coldness about her, and she was always expressionless. I never knew what she was thinking. She was kind of like you, but you are more mysterious, and much more gorgeous." He says wiggling his eyebrows.

"Smooth talker huh?" I reply, rolling my eyes as we pull into his luxurious driveway. Heading up the stairs to his doorway, I hear a dog barking. "There's Horatio." I say.

Inuyasha opens the door and we both brace ourselves. Suddenly, a great big Alaskan malamute jumps from the front door and lands on top of us. Slob, wet tongue, and dog ass are all I manage to see on Inuyasha before I am bombarded with a similar assault.

"Horatio," I giggle, "get off!" He continues to lick us until we are sopping wet. Sometimes I wonder if he does this as a form of marking territory instead of peeing on us, as a normal dog would.

Horatio hops off us with a happy 'woof', trotting into the mansion. Inuyasha and I stand and grab a towel from the base of the front door. We have become so accustomed to this it is ridiculous. Wiping my face and hair, I start looking around this luxurious home.

Every time I am here, I am still struck with awe at how beautiful Inuyasha's home is. A grand staircase flows throughout the whole house, and to the right, the living room, a big comfy couch sits. I do not know where Inuyasha got the couch but I know that every time I come over I fall asleep on it! It is so unbelievably comfortable.

"Well, are you ready?" I ask Inuyasha. He looks at me with annoyance and breathes a heavy sigh.

"Do we really have to? I mean look at how big this house is! And you want to clean it!"

I roll my eyes, "Inuyasha, you're such a whiner. All we are doing is foot mopping, it's like skating with soapy water, and we get our feet clean, added bonus."

"Bonus my ass, this is a waste of time, Kagome!"

I sigh; grabbing his arm, I head for the kitchen and look for the supplies we bought the day before. Inuyasha continues to grumble about how stupid this is but puts on the foot mop shoes nonetheless.

"OKAY!" I shout, "First one around the whole first level wins and you have to move stuff out the way to get all the cracks. We meet back in the kitchen."

"Fine," Inuyasha grumbles.

"On your mark, get set… GO!" and just like that we shoot off. I race to the left while Inuyasha goes to the left. I head for the living room first, and rush around. My feet already sopping wet, I move around the couch and hit the fireplace. Wiping everything, my soapy feet mark. I try to get every crack possible before I rush out in the hallway to get to another room. I see Inuyasha and he is heading for the same room I am, the study.

We meet at the doorway and try to shove past each other. "Move it!" I shout, laughing.

"Get the hell outta the way Kagome! This room is mine!" He pushes me and I shift only slightly. I shove him and he falls flat on his ass. I cannot help but laugh as I close the door on his face.

"Ha! That's what you get for pushing a girl, and you still lost the room!"

"Keh. I let you have it!" He says rushing into another room, panic in his voice. Ha! He must be afraid of losing!

I rush forward, in the study, which is very vast. I love coming in here to get a collection of books. It is like my own personal library! I move around each bookshelf with as much grace as I can muster on foot mop shoes. I reach a particular part of the study where I usually get most of the books I read and stop. I can take a few seconds to look around for another book to read, what is wrong with that?

I pick up a black book, _Hollow_, and it looks interesting enough. Skimming through it, I come across a page with some paper inside. The texture of the paper feels like a photo and there is writing on it:

_I am here. I will always be here._

How strange. We were here, sounds like a bad omen. Flipping the paper over, I gasp.

"It's me!" or at least it looks like me. Taking a second glance, I notice that the girl in the photo has long, straight black hair, as opposed to my curly mess, and eyes that look almost black as a raven's feather. She is beautiful, I cannot deny that, much more pretty than me, but she looks like my twin at first glance. Looking at the bottom of the page, I find another bit of writing on it.

_Kikyo_

The name strikes me. "Isn't that the name of Inuyasha's ex-girlfriend?" I think aloud. I look at the name again and realize that it is. This is the woman Inuyasha was in love with for 7 years. The woman that broke his heart, the woman that looks just like me. I begin to recall the conversation I had with Inuyasha earlier this morning about Kikyo, '_She was kind of like you'_, he said.

_She was kind of like you_. No! No, what he meant was that I look her. Is that what he sees when he looks at me? Another Kikyo, a copy of her, is that what I am?

My heart starts to feel strange. What is this?

"Kagome. Kagome! What are you doing? You have lost I hope you know that? What's taking you so long?" Inuyasha shouted. I could hear the study doors opening, but I was rooted in my spot, staring at the picture.

Footsteps proceeded soon after and Inuyasha's voice became wary, "Kagome?" I saw him come into the aisle I was in from m peripheral. "What the hell, Kagome? You seriously lost this game to find a damn book! And you were the one who wanted to do this in the first place. Come on, we gotta do the other floors too." He reaches for my hand and I pull away.

Stepping away from him, I hold up the picture to his eye level. "This is her isn't it, your ex-girlfriend?" Inuyasha stiffens as he looks at the picture.

He looks at me and frowns, his voice turning cold, distant. Grabbing the picture from my hand, he studies it, and I notice that his eyes become much gentler when he does. "Where did you get this?

_Where did you get this?_ Is that really the first thing you say to your girlfriend, when she finds a picture of your ex-look-a-like?

_She was kind of like you._

"Really? That's the first thing you're gonna ask me!"I shout. "Why does she look like me? No, why do _I_ look like _her_? What the hell, Inuyasha!"

"Where did you get this?" He asks again. Looking at me as if I hadn't said anything. "How did you find this?"

"It was in this damn book," I say throwing it at him. It hits his chest and falls to the floor and he studies the cover, _Hollow_, screaming out at both of us.

"Kagome," he starts.

"Why does she look like me?"I interrupt.

" I-"

"DID YOU PICK ME BECAUSE I LOOKED LIKED HER! You continued to talk to me because I was some look-a-like?"

Inuyasha is silent, looking down at the floor. _Say something_, I think. _Say something_.

"Yes," his short heart wrenching reply. My heart begins to feel funny again. Its as if something is pulling it. I don't like this feeling.

"Do you still love her?"

"I, Kagome," he says.

"Answer me!" I shout.

Inuyasha is quiet once more. I know what he will say, but I want to hear it from his mouth. I have really come to like this person. I honestly and truly enjoyed getting to know him more and more each day we spent together. I think I am…

Wait; am I in_ love_ with Inuyasha Takahashi?

I have considered the thought. I mean we have never said it to one another, but that was because I never knew what love was. Sure, I dated Hojo for 2 years and a type of love grew, but I was not in love with him. With Inuyasha, it is different. I laugh with him, and I know that he wants to keep me safe. He cares about me, and I care for him more than I have any other man. My heartbeats fast when he is around and I know that he is a good guy. Yes, I would say I am in love with this man. I am in love with Inuyasha Takahashi. He is my heart, but right now I think he is about to crush it.

"Inuyasha, answer me," I demand.

"Yes goddamnit!" he shouts looking anywhere but at me, "What do you want me to say huh? The day I met you was the day Kikyo and I ended. And I loved her to death Kagome! I still want to be with her, but she does not want me! A half-breed. What do you want, Kagome! Yes, you look just like her. Yes, I knew this when I met you. I am not stupid, and I still love her!"

Finally, he has finished. When he looks at me he has tears in his eyes, and my heart want to lurch out my chest. Clutching it, I move away from Inuyasha shaking my head, this feeling is horrible.

"Did you care for me at all? Even a little bit, did you care for Kagome and not Kikyo?"

He looks at me with guilt in his eyes, his white hair covering him as if it is a shield. Shielding him from what I don't know. Tears stream down his face, and I realize this is the first time I have ever seen a man as stubborn and strong as Inuyasha cry.

Something falls from my eyes, and I reach up to touch it. It is wet and I flinch. I'm _crying_. I have never cried before. What in all hell is going on?

"Kagome," Inuyasha reaches for me. I slap his hand and run.

….….

_Step 5: _

_Wait can we switch step 4: Realize what you fail to see. It was there all along._

…

Running out of the study, I take off the mop shoes and throw on my own. I open the front door, and in my rush I hit my shoulder on the way out. "Ow!"

I pause. Did I just say 'ow'? There is a throbbing in my shoulder, and I wince as I touch it. I can't think about this right now. I run home, and don't stop until I am at my kitchen with my knife and operation phone in hand.

My breath is labored but I don't care, "Test: 2639." I pant, "Very troubling situation occurred. There was a strange feeling in the heart and when," I catch my breath, " bumping into a door, subject felt a sharp unpleasant pull against the should causing her to say 'ow'. Inuyasha, subject boyfriend, may be causing her to actually _feel pain_. Emotionally and physically."

"Results…" I place the phone on the counter of my kitchen and pick up the knife. Am I really starting to feel something I never imagined I would? All because of some man that I am in love with, who just told me he never loved me.

I raise the knife to my wrist and hesitate. I am actually scared for this result. Something is _wrong _with me. Which makes this ironic, because something was always wrong with me. If I am actually starting to feel pain, what am I to do? I have had to deal with this before. I'm _scared_.

I bring the knife down and slice my wrist.

"Ahhhh!"

I scream, "It hurts!"

Clutching my wrist to stop the bleeding I throw everything the floor and collapse on the ground. "How did this happen!" I still feel my wrist throbbing with pain, and I begin to cry again.

_It hurts_

I have finally felt pain. For the first time ever in my life, something hurts. Inuyasha did this to me. I fell in love with a monster, someone who can change me. How is this possible?

Then I begin to realize, I should have never went to grocery that day a year ago. I should have stayed in the house, and maybe I never would have met Inuyasha. I never would have started to fall in love with him. He wouldn't have picked as a replacement for his ex. And most of all:

I never would have learned what pain was. I would not have known that love is pain.

Looking down at my bleeding wrist, I squeeze it, laugh at its throbbing pain and begin to sob.

"It hurts so much."


End file.
